New Site…

Umm..

As I just realized, I made a silly mistake back when I first created this blog.

Simply put, I misspelled the web address, using two R’s instead of two O’s in Morre… er, make that Moore.

This caused WordPress to say that my blog didn’t exist. You could get here through the error page but it was confusing, so I now made a new blog with the same name but the correct web address: kiramoorescloset.wordpress.com

I am going to transfer all my content over to the new site, but it’s going to take a little time.

I will double post until I get everything moved and then I will take this one off line.

Thank you for your understanding and please feel free to tease me for this!

Thank you all,

Kira

Oops, forgot to add the link… kiramoorescloset

Thinking Out Loud

Thinking Out Loud;

Maybe that should be the byline for this blog. After all, that is what I am really doing. Taking all the crazy stuff in my head and putting somewhere else. It just so happens that place is where a lot of people can see it. That really was the point of starting this blog in the first place.

One of the consequences of letting others see what your thinking is that they may see all the negative things and think your a depressed mess one step away from a complete breakdown. Of course, taking that chance was something I accepted when I set this blog to “Public”. I thought the chance of me looking bad was worth allowing someone else to see that they are not the only one struggling with many of the same issues as I am.

This past week has been tough. It is never easy when someone you love is struggling with issues you can barely understand because you can’t live in their skin. Multiply that by a thousand and that’s what it’s like when that person is your child. When something happens to your child, no matter what it might be or the reasons behind it, you question if there was anything you could have done differently. You look back over every decision you have ever made and wonder if you should have done things differently. That’s just part of being a parent. You want the best for your child, you want them to be happy and successful. If that doesn’t happen for reasons they cannot control, such as the way their brain works, you want to blame yourself no matter if it makes sense or not. It isn’t a matter of knowledge or understanding, it doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you, at some level you blame yourself.

I know that there was nothing more that I could have done than what I have done and continue to do.

While I know this in my mind, my heart will always question. That’s just how I am.

In the end, none of this is about me, it about my children. I want to do the best for them that I can. If that means getting all my doubts and fears off my chest through this blog and letting the whole world see, then so be it. To be judged is a tiny price to pay.

7X7 Blog Award

NewImage

 

I’d like to say thanks to Gray Poet

http://graypoet.wordpress.com/2012/04/17/7×7/

Please check out his blog if you haven’t already, it’s well worth it.

 

Rules:

Tell everyone something no one knows about you.

I use to chew ice cubes… until I chocked on one.

Link my personal posts to a variety of categories.

Most beautiful piece:

http://kiramorrescloset.wordpress.com/2012/03/05/the-long-way-home/

Most helpful piece:

http://kiramorrescloset.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/787/

Most popular:

http://kiramorrescloset.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/stronger/

Most underrated:

http://kiramorrescloset.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/faded-blue/

 

Passing on the 7×7, I nominate the following even though I know some will probably not want awards.

1.  http://jeniuk.wordpress.com/

2. http://janefae.wordpress.com/

3. http://supersoniceuphony.wordpress.com/

4. http://katieinthehall.wordpress.com/

5. http://pasupatidasi.wordpress.com/

6. http://thewritingaficionado.wordpress.com/

7.http://worldlywinds.com/

Details

I think that I need to go into a little more detail regarding what happened the other day. What caused me to write several posts that I tried to keep fairly generic because I didn’t want to give out too much information. It looks like I was a too general in what I wrote. That was my fault.

One of my children has PDD, for those who might not know, that’s Pervasive Developmental Disorder. In other words he falls somewhere on the Autism spectrum but his doctors aren’t sure exactly where. Given what we know and what his teachers and social workers have described, he falls into the range of Asperger’s Syndrome, though he has not be formally diagnosed.

We are working on getting that diagnosis, but it will take time.

In the last six months he has two violent episodes with the last one being the worst. We had to physically restrain him and call the police and social workers before we could get the situation under control. He was very nearly committed. Something we want to avoid if at all possible.

Needless to say, both his mother and I were very shaken by what happened, in fact we both still have the shakes just thinking about what could have happened.

My issue with this is, I wonder if I wasn’t distracted by my own issues and if I could have dealt with him in ways that a male would have, could I have taught him how to deal with his rages in a way that wouldn’t have lead to what happened. I just don’t have an answer to that.

As for working through this as a male, I have no clue what I should have done. My mind has never worked that way, even when I didn’t understand that I was dealing with TG issues, I knew that I simply don’t think like a male.

I have talked to several people about what happened, including several men, but I won’t repeat what they suggested, I’m sure you can imagine.

The thing is, even now, after all that happened, I simply cannot see how the men thought that their solutions would have helped matters in the least. the women I talked to at least had some suggestions I could understand.

I just don’t know. I am at my wits end on how to do a better job of keeping things at a controllable level.

Just as an aside, one of the men has a child who had similar issues and his suggestion was the worst of the bunch.

Well, now I have made what happened clearer, though I hope that this information never leads to me being outed… that’s the last thing I need right now. I already have several of my co-workers suspicious of me as it is.

Real Life Doesn’t Care

You know something? Real life doesn’t care about our little problems. Yes. I know, at this moment in time our problems might seem like giants trying to stomp on us but in truth there are some things much more important.

From the beginning I have said that what happens in my head is unimportant compared to my family. They come first, period. This is an example of that. Something has come up which I need to deal with and whatever I might have been thinking about is being put on the back burner.

I hope that I can be back later today with a post but that will depend on other things that I cannot control. We’ll see what happens.