Today has left me feeling off and disconnected. I haven’t been able to maintain my concentration to the point I almost forgot to pay before leaving the grocery store. If my middle son hadn’t been with me, things would have gotten awkward.

Needless to say, it has me more than a little rattled.

I have a therapy session tomorrow and I will discuss it with her.


Still catching my breath after yesterday but one thing is clear, there is a lot I need to process more I need to prepare for moving forward. There is also the simple fact there is nothing to be gained from decrying what cannot be changed.

As for the future, one area of concern is my memory centers have atrophied, which explains why I forget things far too easily. Also why I fall into a very narrow focus when doing various activities such as working on the computer. There is also the issue of how a slight change to my daily plans can throw me completely off the rails, so I really need to work on a plan which will give me path forward as well as take into consideration any likely deterioration. Of course this is something I am going to have to discuss with the neurologist. The obvious starting point is making daily, weekly, even monthly lists, and using reminders both electronically and physically.

There are some changes to be made with my medications and possibly even my diet. It’s going to depend on a number of factors, many of which are going to be out of my control. All I can do is take things one day at a time, one appointment at a time. and one change at a time.



I had my neurology appointment today and to be honest, I wished I didn’t know now what I didn’t know before I walked into that room.

First, it was probably for the best I hadn’t started HRT. If I had, they would stopped it after seeing my scans, (if I had lived long enough to have them done at all.) I mentioned before there was evidence I have had micro strokes in the past but I was completely unprepared for the amount of damage in the images I was shown. I misunderstood how widespread it was on both sides of my brain. This alone disqualifies me for any form of hormone therapy. It also marks me as at elevated risk of a major stroke or heart attack.

The second issue is the amount of atrophy seen in the memory centers, it explains a lot of issues I have having over the past year or two. It also explains all of those “squirrel” moments I have. lol All joking aside, this is a serious concern as I already knew I had issues with short term memory, thing such as forgetting chores and other daily tasks if anything at all interrupted my plans during the day. It might also explain why I have a better time remembering things which happened far back in my past. (You know, I remember some useless thing from twenty years ago but can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning.)

The third thing is the doctor is concerned enough she ordered a three part plan to try and see just how bad are. It includes additional blood work, a thyroid panel, and adjustments to my medications.

I am trying to keep a positive attitude, but it isn’t easy.


I’m not feeling the best right now. Didn’t get much sleep last night and then did a lot of running, so of course I didn’t get any rest during the day. Now I’m dealing with a headache and my ears feel like they’re stuffed with cotton, so I think I’ll call it an early night and be back tomorrow.