There are days when you awake and think, today is going to be a good day and it is. A day when sadness and pain won’t dull the light in your eyes. When a sound, color, song or memory doesn’t threaten to crush the breath from your lungs or leave you on your knees without the strength to stand. A day when you can lay your head on your pillow and not fear falling asleep for the darkness which awaits.
Then there are the other days.
The ones where just opening your eyes takes so much effort it leaves you exhausted. Days when the smallest things sends your heart racing in fear. The ice of panic swelling in your chest until you can’t catch a breath. Times when you cannot understand why you’re alive at all, wondering if God hates you so much He takes pleasure in your pain. Everything in your life seems so pointless, meaningless. When every word you speak, every action you take does nothing but cause pain to those around you. Life becomes an ocean in which your drowning and you know no one else can see your struggles or hear the cries for help which remain locked in your throat.
And you never know which it is going to be today.