Lansing — An Michigan Court of Appeals panel ruled Tuesday that transgender people are not protected by a state law criminalizing ethnic intimidation against people based on their “race, color, religion, gender or national origin.”
Despite all of the promises I made to myself, I have been having a hard time making the change to being full time; at least this is what I have believed to this point. By this I mean making the effort to present as Kira from the time I wake up until I get ready for bed. More times than not I just throw on the same old clothes I have all along and just accept being mis-gendered.
Funny enough I get as many, if not more, Miss as Sir even on days like today when I didn’t bother to touch a razor. (I can tell you honestly it doesn’t make any sense to me, when I see my reflection all I can see is him…)
Why is this important? Because today I was confronted by a very nice girl of maybe nine or ten who sat down next to me and honestly asked if I was a boy or girl. I asked her if it made a difference, she thought for moment, said “not really”, then asked again. So I asked her what she thought and she told me I had to be a girl because I have long hair and girls have long hair. Boys can have long hair too but it isn’t the same.
So… this has left me with mixed feelings to say the least.
I have to ask, not for the first time, who am I really?
Him, her, or neither?
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Avoid essentialist biases and treat all identities, non-binary, gender nonconforming, trans, or cis, as equally valid.
Transitioning isn’t going from point A to point B, and being a woman doesn’t dictate how you look or act.
The discussion around regretting transitioning has been rearing its head recently. Various stories about individual cases have been used as an example, casting doubt on healthcare for transgender people.
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Cyrus Grace Dunham has written a complicated, necessary addition to the trans literary canon.
A long time ago, far from here, I sat alone in a dark room wondering if I could walk outside and into a crowded space and (with a little effort) be seen as a woman. After countless years and too many stutters and stops, I finally learned the answer.
Until that moment I thought I would be content with whatever answer life had to give me and maybe for a short time I was.
Not any more and I find myself asking why? Why can’t I be content as I am now? Why do I seem to always be looking for something more?
I’ve spoken to several people who know me well, asking them if they think I can maintain things as they stand..
If I can let things go, to no longer question anything related to my gender, to who I really am, (as if I have really had an answer to that enigma) and simply be content.
The answer was short, simple, and quick… no.
I’m sitting here wondering just what I think I’m doing and the truth is, I have no idea anymore. It seems as though I can’t do anything right no matter how hard I try. Every day there are countless little things which I haven’t done and I don’t have any excuse. More than anything it feels more and more as though I’m just a burden, emotionally, financially, and physically.
Add to it all of this gender nonsense and I’m surprised I still have a roof over my head. Maybe the saddest part is I can no longer see any point to continuing and I seriously regret ever letting any of it see the light of day. It’s been nothing more than a burden and distraction.