01/17/22

Yesterday’s post was almost a place holder. There were things I wanted to write about but I was mentally exhausted and couldn’t bring things into focus so I decided to share the one thought which was stuck in the forefront of my thoughts as much because they held a strength I wanted as much as they were an overwhelming truth I couldn’t deny or avoid.

You see, for much of my life I brushed off thoughts, hopes, and dreams because they didn’t fit the narrative I had been taught to follow. Because they seemed so far removed from my reality they could never come true, because following them became too painful.

I’m sure I have spoken of some of the things which have weighed on me over the years, those brief moments of breathless wonder when the words ‘what if’ would blaze across my thoughts. To take the image in my mind and make it a reality. To be who I knew myself to be in the eyes of another and be accepted. To leave the shadows and walk in the sun.

Well, as they say, ‘be careful what you wish for, you might get it.’

This became my stumbling block, my nemesis.

I’ve had my questions answered, curiosity cured. What I found was more than I could have hoped for or imagined and it scared the living hell out of me.

I found peace, happiness, and a piece of myself I felt would never be found. At the same time I found pain, sorrow, and shame. You see, following my heart only lead to hurting others, (or at least this is what I was told time and again.) By doing so I was being selfish, self centered, even cruel. My happiness had to be bought at the price of another’s.

My dreams for theirs.

In this I felt it was better to give up on my own dreams. To crush them as soon as they arose so others could see theirs come true.

Oh, and if they didn’t, well that was my fault too.

What I’ve been asking myself is what happens when I’ve done everything I could to bury every bit of myself, to lock it in a deep hole and try to forget and it keeps coming back? Each time a little stronger, a little more insistent until it refuses to be ignored?

It leaves a person in a difficult place to say the least.

(No, this isn’t an ending, but a beginning.)

~Kira Anne Moore

States Clash In Florida Transgender Student Bathroom Case

States Clash In Florida Transgender Student Bathroom Case

A lawsuit about whether a transgender student should have been allowed to use boys’ bathrooms at a Northeast Florida high school has become a battleground for states across the country.

In two briefs filed at a federal appeals court, 40 states and the District of Columbia have chosen sides in the case stemming from a St. Johns County School Board policy that prevented Drew Adams from using boys’ bathrooms at Nease High School.

11/09/21

I have been trying for a long time, months in fact, to sort out the mess inside my head and so far I have failed miserably.

In fact I have began this post countless times only to delete it or most often, to simply run away into some pointless scrolling through the internet, Facebook, or YouTube; anything distracting because it’s better than facing whatever it is which lurks in the back of my mind.

Whenever I try to force myself to take a serious and honest look inside anxiety rips through my body, filling me with a numbing cold and a racing heart. my mind skittering away like a rat in the dark.

I’m at a point where I have wonder what I’m so afraid of that I can’t bring myself to face it for even a moment.

Admittedly, I cannot help but think it’s because I’ve been wrong about so many things. Who I am, who I want to believe myself to be.

What if, in the end, I turn out to be nothing but a figment of imagination, a dream which has become lost in the light of the waking world?

As the question goes, am I a butterfly dreaming I’m a man or man dreaming he is a butterfly?

I Wasn’t Born Trans

I was born a f***ing baby.

I Wasn’t Born Trans

I am transgender not because I was born trans, but because a particular label had to be created to define my experience. People like me are often treated as second-class citizens. We are forced to draw lines in the sand and define every emergent variation on the human experience because, if we don’t, we are met with yellow and red tape at every attempt to fit into our cis/heteronormative patriarchal society.

Replication of Previous Findings? Comparing Gray Matter Volumes in Transgender Individuals with Gender Incongruence and Cisgender Individuals

Replication of Previous Findings? Comparing Gray Matter Volumes in Transgender Individuals with Gender Incongruence and Cisgender Individuals

Gender identity development is a complex process involving multifactorial interactions among genetic, hormonal, social, and psychological factors. As a result of this complex process, there are different gender identities, including, among others, female, male, nonbinary, agender, gender nonconforming, gender fluid, intersex, pangender, genderqueer, or androgynous. Whereas biological sex (i.e., the sex assigned to an individual at birth on the basis of the anatomy of the reproductive system) and gender identity (i.e., the subjective identification of an individual as male, female, or one of the other gender identities) coincide in most people, there are individuals who do not identify with their biological sex. The phenomenon of gender incongruence (GI) is more widespread and relevant than often thought.