“For transgender women, the quest for the ‘right’ voice used to begin with a trip to the music store”
It isn’t easy, but then, nothing worth having ever is.
I had set out to write an epic post covering the past two weeks when, halfway through I realized sharing every little detail wasn’t as important as writing about what I learned.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the “how” and loose sight of the “why.” Which is why taking a step away has proven to be a good thing, and I suppose is yet another lesson I have learned for the week.
The most important things I have learned so far:
It doesn’t pay to be lazy or to take the easy road. Some things are worth the effort.
I am NOT a weekend only girl. Why I thought I could live with being comfortable with myself only two days a week, (or less), is simply beyond me. Regardless of any other consideration, I am me 24/7 and trying to hide this truth, even when it is convenient, isn’t worth the issues it causes. So from now on I spend sometime for myself each day.
I can only take responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings. It is NOT my place or right to take responsibility or anyone else. In truth it is rather disrespectful.
And last, but most importantly… I have an incredible person in my life who is not only my partner, she is also my best friend and I am blessed beyond words to have her beside me each day.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this today or wait until tomorrow, but either way I needed to get my thoughts down.
There are times in our lives when we must make a decision. We can choose to take the easy way out or we can do what we must, what is right for ourselves and those we care most about.
I have faced two of these decisions over the past days and today as well. The first was to go out and face the world as myself, as I truly am without apology. The second was to talk to my oldest son about what I had done and why.
The first really wasn’t a choice. I did what I did not because I wanted to but because I reached a point in my life where I couldn’t do anything else.
The second was a choice. I thought to take the easy way out and in doing so I was dishonest and unfair to someone who deserves better from me.
Today I did what I could to correct that mistake.
I showed him the pictures I had taken and told him I had gone to my therapy session as he saw me. He asked me why and I tried to explain because it was part of who I am. He couldn’t really understand, so after some thinking I explained it in terms of superheroes who have a secret identity and that seeing me as I stood there, as he has always known me, that is my secret identity. But just like Superman, what he saw in the pictures was my true identity. It didn’t make complete sense to him but now he gets the basic idea. I think this may be the beginning of understanding… at least I hope so.
I told A about what happened when she got home, explaining that I hadn’t felt right excluding him. I don’t want him to learn the truth one day and feel as though I had lied to him.
There are going to be more difficult decisions in my future, I know this. I also know that trying to take the easy way out will only lead to more suffering than doing the right thing to begin with. I have an entire life time as an example.