04/23/22

My ears have been bothering me a lot today, mostly because it’s been really windy. It’s a constant reminder I may have permanent hearing loss due to one of the micro strokes. I hope I’m wrong, but I would rather expect the worst and be wrong than get my hopes up and have them dashed.

I suppose the disconcerting thing is I told the doctor what the clinic said and he mostly shrugged it off and repeated that he wants the neurological evaluation as soon as possible. Doesn’t sound promising , but there it is,

~Kira

04/22/22

I had my doctors appointment today to go over the results of the MRI along with my hearing issues. I’ll cut to the chase here and then work through what I’m thinking.

First, it appears I have had a long history of micro strokes going back more than six months and probably much longer. There is also evidence of extensive blood vessel damage throughout my brain which is only going to get worse as time passes which might mean more micro strokes or even a major event. At this point the doctors not sure exactly what’s going on but he is worried, so he is trying to get me a neurology referral so they can do more tests. He is also getting me a cardiac sonogram to look at the arteries in my neck to make sure there aren’t issues there. He’s also making changes to my medications, mainly blood thinners, as a stop gape until more information becomes available. unfortunately I already bruise and bleed far too easily and this is going to make that worse but it’s a risk he feels we need to take.

Second, these medical concerns assure I will have zero chance of pursuing any form of medical transition. Estrogen would raise my risk of heart attack or stroke to an unacceptable level if not kill me out right. Surgeries are also off the table when I could bleed out. Of course, surgery was a long shot at best for financial reasons, but it’s moot now. So, wherever I am now, it’s where I’m going to stay.

This of course is a lot to process and doing so is going to take some time, as much as I would like to make a snap decision on future plans, I know it would be the wrong path to take. There is just too much damage which would be done to my physical and mental health.

I do have some thoughts on what comes next, but I’m not comfortable discussing them yet. Maybe at some point soon, we’ll just play it by ear for the moment.

~Kira