Still catching my breath after yesterday but one thing is clear, there is a lot I need to process more I need to prepare for moving forward. There is also the simple fact there is nothing to be gained from decrying what cannot be changed.

As for the future, one area of concern is my memory centers have atrophied, which explains why I forget things far too easily. Also why I fall into a very narrow focus when doing various activities such as working on the computer. There is also the issue of how a slight change to my daily plans can throw me completely off the rails, so I really need to work on a plan which will give me path forward as well as take into consideration any likely deterioration. Of course this is something I am going to have to discuss with the neurologist. The obvious starting point is making daily, weekly, even monthly lists, and using reminders both electronically and physically.

There are some changes to be made with my medications and possibly even my diet. It’s going to depend on a number of factors, many of which are going to be out of my control. All I can do is take things one day at a time, one appointment at a time. and one change at a time.


My ears have been bothering me a lot today, mostly because it’s been really windy. It’s a constant reminder I may have permanent hearing loss due to one of the micro strokes. I hope I’m wrong, but I would rather expect the worst and be wrong than get my hopes up and have them dashed.

I suppose the disconcerting thing is I told the doctor what the clinic said and he mostly shrugged it off and repeated that he wants the neurological evaluation as soon as possible. Doesn’t sound promising , but there it is,



I had my doctors appointment today to go over the results of the MRI along with my hearing issues. I’ll cut to the chase here and then work through what I’m thinking.

First, it appears I have had a long history of micro strokes going back more than six months and probably much longer. There is also evidence of extensive blood vessel damage throughout my brain which is only going to get worse as time passes which might mean more micro strokes or even a major event. At this point the doctors not sure exactly what’s going on but he is worried, so he is trying to get me a neurology referral so they can do more tests. He is also getting me a cardiac sonogram to look at the arteries in my neck to make sure there aren’t issues there. He’s also making changes to my medications, mainly blood thinners, as a stop gape until more information becomes available. unfortunately I already bruise and bleed far too easily and this is going to make that worse but it’s a risk he feels we need to take.

Second, these medical concerns assure I will have zero chance of pursuing any form of medical transition. Estrogen would raise my risk of heart attack or stroke to an unacceptable level if not kill me out right. Surgeries are also off the table when I could bleed out. Of course, surgery was a long shot at best for financial reasons, but it’s moot now. So, wherever I am now, it’s where I’m going to stay.

This of course is a lot to process and doing so is going to take some time, as much as I would like to make a snap decision on future plans, I know it would be the wrong path to take. There is just too much damage which would be done to my physical and mental health.

I do have some thoughts on what comes next, but I’m not comfortable discussing them yet. Maybe at some point soon, we’ll just play it by ear for the moment.



I’m not sure what’s going to happen from this point but I doubt life is going to trend upward. I am still having issues with my hearing despite being on meds for the past five days, which was suppose to clear things up which means I’m still effectively deaf in my left ear.

On the other hand…

The doctor found some issues with my MRI and is scheduling an appointment with a neurologist. I do have an appointment with him next week so maybe I’ll get some answers.


Detransition Facts and Statistics 2022: Exploding the Myths Around Detransitioning

Detransition Facts and Statistics 2022: Exploding the Myths Around Detransitioning

Detransition is a loaded term.

Importantly, it doesn’t mean an unsatisfactory or regrettable result. Rather, it simply refers to the small group of people who transition and then go back.

Some people may even detransition due to the negative effects of conversion therapy.


Had an MRI yesterday and also had my ears checked to see what was going on with my hearing. First, I have fluid build up in both ears, possible from inflamed tubes and was proscribed medicine which should help clear it up. I’ll know if it’s working in a few days.

As for the MRI, it seems there is nothing better than something medical to throw dysphoria right in your face especially when the staff is trying to be respectful and use your preferred name and pronouns while you have to present in the opposite way. Took me most of the day to recover as the entire experience left me exhausted and I still have to wait for the results.

So, somethings good and some not so good, but I survived and might get some much needed information.