As I posted yesterday, I came out to my step mother who is pretty much the only direct connection I have with the larger part of what blood family I have. This was a decision I agonized over almost from the beginning but even more so once I had decided to drop any connections to my previous life online. At the time I emailed her and simply told her I wouldn’t be using those accounts any more, though I would still check them occasionally, (through as time as gone by I have pretty much forgotten about them). The simple fact was I was scared to death to reveal the truth to her and it has taken all this time to finally reach the point where I simply couldn’t put it off any more.
Unfortunately she lives half way across the country from me and so our only communication is online. I had planned to broach the subject with her during her last visit but she had to cancel at the last moment due to illness. So I finally decided to simply email her which I admit was unfair since she had no warning what I was going to do. I think things like this are best discussed face to face, but it wasn’t meant to be. On the good side? I have received a very positive response from her today. Now I don’t know how any of the rest of the family will respond, I haven’t been in contact with them for a very long time, but I will just have to take it one step at a time.
This is just one more layer stripped away and I am a little closer to being the person I have long known myself to be.
I played hermit today… it’s my last “day” off as I have to go into work tonight and quite frankly it was cold outside. Like highs in the teens cold and well, I hate the cold. I swear once I catch a chill, it takes me tip June before I start to feel warm again.
So I stayed inside, with a coffee pot I kept full and just enjoyed time with the family… which wasn’t much as the kids were so wrapped up in the their Christmas gifts. Not that I am complaining, they were quiet. No fighting, no rough housing, no little feet stopping across the house like a one child herd of elephants… it was actually pretty nice. Of course it won’t last, it never does, but then if it did I would wonder what happened to my real kids and who switched them with these aliens?
I did take some time and put together a new playlist for my music player. The last one was Christmas music and that just had to go now that the new year is here. I also decided it’s time to catch up on the few television shows I watch, which I am hopelessly behind on, my two favorites at the moment being “Once Upon A Time” and “Elementary”. I also added some new books to my Nook, “Odd Apocalypse” By Dean Koontz and “Cold Days” by Jim Butcher. I’ve been waiting for the Butcher book as I have loved all the books in the ‘Dresden Files’ series so far. The ‘Odd Thomas’ series by Koontz has been good too, in a fun, quirky, sort of way. Another series I like is the ‘Kay Scarpetta’ books by Patricia Cornwell. Each of them is interesting and well written and I can never wait for a new one to come out.
So… the new year is here and now it back to life. Not exactly the same life as the year before, but it really shouldn’t be should it? A new beginning, each day a chance to do something special no matter how big or small. A chance to tell someone “I love you,” to watch the sun rise or set… or both.
You know, if there has been just one change in me, beyond all the other things, it is this… I can take the time to see these things, to appreciate them and to understand just what a wonderful gift they are.