“I’m Not Into That:” The Difference Between Genital Preference and Bigotry.

“I’m Not Into That:” The Difference Between Genital Preference and Bigotry.

Dating exclusion and genital preferences are a broad and controversial topic, so get yourself a drink and get comfortable because we’re going to get real uncomfortable. It seems like folks are doing a lot of hand-wringing about whether it’s more or less obligatory to include trans folks in your dating pool or if excluding us makes you a bad person.

And to that, I say, “wrong question.” We keep having this argument in comments sections and blogs. If we’re going to talk about genital preferences and trans-exclusionary attitudes in dating, we can’t do this halfway. This isn’t as simple a topic as it gets made out to be on the internet. Our mantras about trans women being women and trans men being men aren’t there to help make anything better.

Can we be honest, cis folks? Have you ever said “trans women are women” in the comments section and had a person turn around and go, “wow, I never thought of it like that?” No. Because you’re not saying that to help trans people. If we’re honest, you’re saying that to help you. It’s a performance you put on. So, here’s the deal. If you want to keep doing that song and dance, you can. Have at it. If you’re interested in understanding and thinking about this conversation differently, let’s talk.


It’s been a while since I last wrote something to post here. It part because it was easier but more because I felt I had nothing to add to the conversation someone else couldn’t say better.

I haven’t really made any progress toward transitioning or not so all I seem to do is repeat the same things over and over ad nauseam and what is the point in that?  Really I’m not even sure what or who I am anymore or if it even matters.

While the Dragon Sleeps

The other day, as I tried to rest, some thoughts slipped into my mind. Unlike so many thoughts and dreams these did not fade once I arose. 

First was knowing there will never be a pill, potion, or secret government lab which will transform this body into the form I desire. There will be no deal with the devil or god to reach down and answer my desires or prayers. What I have is what I have been given and I will take it to my grave.

Second to cross my mind was flashes of all the times wanting to be female coursed through my veins and I realized there was a recurring pattern. Much like a dragon from a fantasy story, this desire will rise up from its restless sleep and reign terror all over the unsuspecting land, upsetting lives and destroying everything in sight. Then one day, for what seems to be no reason at all, it would return to its hidden lair and fall to sleep once more. At first all anyone can think about is the dragon and if it will return but as time passes fears turn to stories, then legends, and then myth until it passes from memory all together…

Until the dragon awakes once more.

This last time, which has been going on for years now, is the longest I have struggled with the beast… then again, I have been constantly poking at it with a sharp stick.

Maybe not the smartest decision I ever made.


Why can’t you accept the way you are? – Mattie Schraeder

Why can’t you accept the way you are? – Mattie Schraeder:

Early in my transition I was asked by several people why I can’t just accept the way I am. I find it a really hard question to answer in a way that is satisfactory, and that they can understand. The problem is that they’re looking for an answer that can’t be given. The fact of the matter is that transgender people who come out as transgender are finally accepting who they are. Possibly for the first time in their lives they’re doing exactly what the people asking that question are asking them to do.


I’m not in the best of places right now. My thoughts have been taking me down darker paths and while there is a part of me which whispers warnings in the back of my mind, there is also a part of me which welcomes the cold detachment which sends shivers down my spine. I know this is depression, anxiety, and any number of other issues making their presence known but I welcome them when compared to the numbness I feel at other times.

Naturally these don’t happen in a vacuum, my mind is constantly churning, an endless torrent of thoughts and emotions break against my conscience every waking moment. The theme as clear as if they were whispered in my ear. 

Take the easy path… quit fighting… accept what is, what cannot be changed, what will never change…

Sink back below the surface, back into the cold embracing arms of hopelessness and regret.

I’m asking what I am trying to hard to achieve? What could be so important I am consumed by trying to understand my desires every waking moment? Why can’t I just continue living as I did for so long? Maybe more important, why did I ever speak out in the first place? Everything would have been better if I had just kept my damn mouth shut and kept my thoughts and feelings to myself.

Seriously, I can’t see things being much worse than they are now…

The Critical Thinking Skills Cheatsheet [Infographic]

The Critical Thinking Skills Cheatsheet [Infographic]: 

Critical thinking skills truly matter in learning. Why? Because they are life skills we use every day of our lives. Everything from our work to our recreational pursuits, and all that’s in between, employs these unique and valuable abilities. Consciously developing them takes thought-provoking discussion and equally thought-provoking questions to get it going. Begin right here with the Critical Thinking Skills Cheatsheet.

It’s a simple infographic offering questions that work to develop critical thinking on any given topic. Whenever your students discover or talk about new information, encourage them to use these questions for sparking debate and the sharing of opinions and insights among each other. Together they can work at building critical thinking skills in a collaborative and supportive atmosphere.

(Via. Global Digital Citizen)

Answers to Your Questions About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression

Answers to Your Questions About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression:

“Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics. ‘Trans’ is sometimes used as shorthand for ‘transgender.’ While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender-nonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture, academia and science are constantly changing, particularly as individuals’ awareness, knowledge and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow. “

(Via. apa.org)

How to respond to questions about transgender bathroom access.

How to respond to questions about transgender bathroom access.:

“In the wake of draconian laws passed in North Carolina and Mississippi restricting which restrooms transgender people can use, much of the attention has focused on the economic and political backlash to anti-LGBTQ discrimination. Sometimes, public pressure is the best or only tactic that works, and it’s heartening to see economic and political costs imposed on supporters of these odious laws. But it’s easy to forget just how important private conversations can be to securing lasting social change, especially in a campaign where winning hearts and minds is a key goal.”

(Via. Slate)

Despite Marriage Victory, Fear of Backlash Looms Large for LGBTQ Americans

Despite Marriage Victory, Fear of Backlash Looms Large for LGBTQ Americans:

“When the Supreme Court legalized marriage equality in June 2015, LGBTQ people across the country celebrated a monumental achievement, gained through the persistence, dedication and hard work of countless individuals over many years.”

(Via. Huffingtonpost)