Deep breath time.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to post about today. Each time I sat down it seemed my mind went blank. Well, as I am finding out, blank spaces are what I need to think about, to write about, to forgive myself for.

Several times I have written about different things which I have used as time markers in my life. Some of them were personal, some trans related, but all of them seemed to define periods in my life. What concerns me now is not these moments which remain so clear in my memory, it is the spaces in between.

I use to joke I would forget my head if it wasn’t attached. Such things aren’t quiet as funny when you cast your mind back over the days, weeks and years only to find nearly everything is hazy at best. There are months, even years, for which I cannot account.

Don’t misunderstand, I am not longing for the time. It is dead and I cannot get it back. I am saddened at how much of my life has been lost. 

REPORT: How National Media Outlets Cover Transgender News Stories | Research | Media Matters for America

REPORT: How National Media Outlets Cover Transgender News Stories | Research | Media Matters for America:

“Cable, broadcast, and Spanish language news networks largely ignored an ‘epidemic of deadly violence’ against the transgender community in the first two months of 2015, despite devoting coverage to various transgender stories. When networks discussed transgender issues, they often failed to include the voices of transgender individuals, especially transgender women of color.”

(Via. MediaMatters)

One Long Day



I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get a regular post up today. I had the guy from DirectTV here for over four hours fixing what was suppose to be a simple problem with a bad receiver. Turned out he had to do a near complete reinstall.

I have to admit this was one time when I was glad to be read for male. The repair man was very nice and didn’t assume I was a technologically inept, which is something I ran into during service calls when the service rep mistakes me for female.

Now, I could go into a rant over how men and women are treated differently by all sorts of businesses, but I think that horse has been beat to death. I would like to note what a thrill I get when I am misgendered on the phone. (Well, misgendered from how I currently present, but you get the point.) The only thing missing is being able to use my correct name.

Anyway, I think we have everything back up and running which is all that matters!


Speaking of talking on the phone, I have had more than a few occasions on which I was assumed to be female. On one hand it was thrilling to be read as a woman, I had really started to worry about my voice, on the other, I hate ruining it when I have to state my legal name, which is still male. If I could, I would use my real name for anything that didn’t require a legal signature.