Been running all day and no time to work on a post.

Will try again tomorrow.




A long time ago, far from here, I sat alone in a dark room wondering if I could walk outside and into a crowded space and (with a little effort) be seen as a woman. After countless years and too many stutters and stops, I finally learned the answer.

Until that moment I thought I would be content with whatever answer life had to give me and maybe for a short time I was. 

Not any more and I find myself asking why? Why can’t I be content as I am now? Why do I seem to always be looking for something more?

I’ve spoken to several people who know me well, asking them if they think I can maintain things as they stand.. 

If I can let things go, to no longer question anything related to my gender, to who I really am, (as if I have really had an answer to that enigma) and simply be content.

The answer was short, simple, and quick… no.


Too Many Thoughts…

Im sitting here wondering just what I think Im doing and the truth is, I have no idea anymore. It seems as though I cant do anything right no matter how hard I try. Every day there are countless little things which I haven’t done and I don’t have any excuse. More than anything it feels more and more as though I’m just a burden, emotionally, financially, and physically.

Add to it all of this gender nonsense and I’m surprised I still have a roof over my head.  Maybe the saddest part is I can no longer see any point to continuing and I seriously regret ever letting any of it see the light of day. It’s been nothing more than a burden and distraction.