Transition. This one word has caused me a great deal of angst over the past few months.
It’s one of, if not the first, things someone wants to know when they hear the word “Transgender”.
Are you going to Transition?
For A it wasn’t the first question she had, but it was in her top five. It is also one of her greatest fears.
Are you going to Transition?
So just what does this word mean? According to the dictionary:
1. Movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change.
2. A movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another.
Go and look at wikipedia and you’ll get a brain full of what this word means for someone in the Transgender community;
The process of changing one’s gender presentation to accord with one’s internal sense of one’s gender.
What I found of interest though is to be found in the “Terminology” section.
Transitioning is sometime confused with sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), but that is only one possible element of transitioning. Most people who transition choose not to have SRS, or do not have the means to do so. Whereas SRS is a surgical procedure, transitioning is more of holistic and usually includes physical, psychological, social, and emotional changes. Some genderqueer and intersex people have little or no desire to undergo surgery to change
There is a lot more if you want to read it. You can spend a great deal of time looking into this not only on line but in your local library. It won’t take long for you to be overloaded with information, opinions, and personal thoughts from everyone from experts to Joe down the street. Spend a couple of months at it like me and you’ll have it running out of your ears.
When I first came out I was asked if I thought I would need to transition, (meaning having SRS), and my feeling was that, no, I did not need to physically become female. In the following months this issue became rather murky after I had spoken to more people, read more blogs and articles, and generally confused the hell out of myself.
I even had someone tell me that I was fooling myself if I thought I didn’t need SRS. Sooner or later I was going to have it done because I didn’t have a choice.
That sure wasn’t something that I needed to hear when I was the middle of a life changing storm of biblical proportions.
It has taken me months to understand what I really need to be a happy, whole person… that is for right now. I can’t know what the future might hold and it is possible that my feeling on this will change; but for now, right this moment, I have an answer that works for me.
What is that answer?
It is that I do not need SRS or HRT to be happy and whole. I do however, need to transition in other ways that don’t require making major physical changes.
I am changing, I am becoming more of the person I know in my heart that I am. I am willing to make and indeed am making many changes physically, psychologically, and emotionally.
They are nothing major at the moment, just things like grooming, clothing choices, and the allowing myself to think, to feel, and to interact with others in ways that feel more natural, more in line with what’s going on inside.
This may not sound like much, but when I am trying to shed decades of assumed behaviors, years of suppressing my true emotions, of hiding my thoughts and mannerisms, even theses small steps are major accomplishments.
That I have opened up so much would come as a shock to those who have known me in the past.