12/30/19

I have too many things fighting for space in my head right now.

~Kira

12/28/19

Despite all of the promises I made to myself, I have been having a hard time making the change to being full time; at least this is what I have believed to this point. By this I mean making the effort to present as Kira from the time I wake up until I get ready for bed. More times than not I just throw on the same old clothes I have all along and just accept being mis-gendered.

Funny enough I get as many, if not more, Miss as Sir even on days like today when I didn’t bother to touch a razor. (I can tell you honestly it doesn’t make any sense to me, when I see my reflection all I can see is him…)

Why is this important? Because today I was confronted by a very nice girl of maybe nine or ten who sat down next to me and honestly asked if I was a boy or girl. I asked her if it made a difference, she thought for moment, said “not really”, then asked again. So I asked her what she thought and she told me I had to be a girl because I have long hair and girls have long hair. Boys can have long hair too but it isn’t the same.

So… this has left me with mixed feelings to say the least.

I have to ask, not for the first time, who am I really?

Him, her, or neither?

10 Misconceptions About Being a Trans Woman

10 Misconceptions About Being a Trans Woman

These days, trans women are more visible than ever in mainstream media. But despite all the press coverage we receive on bathroom bills and locker rooms, there’s still many myths and half-truths floating around about our gender identity. Here are 10 common myths that seem to have been embeded into our culture, and why they’re so patently untrue.

Noah Cyrus Couldn’t Take the Feeling of Anxiety Circling in Her Chest — but She Reached Out

Noah Cyrus Couldn’t Take the Feeling of Anxiety Circling in Her Chest — but She Reached Out

Noah Cyrus says she’s struggled with anxiety and depression since she was 10 or 11 years old. She’s done advocacy work for mental health organizations like The Crystal Campaign and The Jed Foundation (JED). Now, she’s speaking up on behalf of Seize the Awkward, a campaign from the Ad Council, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), and JED geared toward empowering teens and young adults to break the stigma and break the silence about the mental health issues they’re going through. Other artists like Billie Eilish, Christina Perri, and Hayley Kiyoko have also shared their own stories for the campaign.

Bittersweet Memories

Beginning the journey to rediscovery starts with returning to one’s earliest memories and thinking of the things you loved to do. All those hobbies which ate away the hours and left you feeling content even if there was nothing to show for it.

For me it was drawing, writing poetry or fiction, and reading books. Thinking back though brought back more than this… I remember the countless hours I spent alone, sometimes at home, others in the local park or even riding my bike on back roads surrounded by corn or soybean fields covered by a silence broken only by the wind of my passage rushing through my ears. Hours which often found me imagining life as I dreamed I could be if only God would answer my nightly prayers.

A life with long hair streaming in the summer sun, the flutter of my dress around my ankles and a truly carefree smile curving my lips, a lightness to my heart, knowing this was who I suppose to be.

I spent entire afternoons in the local library searching for information for why I felt what I did, why I saw myself one way when I dreamed. Why I was obsessed with understanding the ways my thoughts were so different, maybe even alien to the ways the other children would talk about themselves, in the ways they conducted themselves alone and in their social groups.

Why I felt like an outsider, always watching but never accepted.

Bittersweet memories indeed.