Sometimes

It just gets to be too much.

On International Pronouns Day, transgender women talk inner strength, outer beauty | Newsday

On International Pronouns Day, transgender women talk inner strength, outer beauty | Newsday:

Wednesday marked the third annual International Pronouns Day, which is meant to educate and raise awareness about the importance of respecting personal pronouns.

Opinion: Transgender people shouldn’t be the only ones discussing pronouns – The Arbiter

Opinion: Transgender people shouldn’t be the only ones discussing pronouns – The Arbiter:

In recent years, transgender people have become more understood and accepted into some communities. Because of this, pronouns are often included in introductions by trans people. Whether it is a name tag with their pronouns, included in their social media bio or a verbal introduction, trans people are typically expected to inform everyone of their pronouns, and assume everyone else’s.

This Pride Month, Think About The Power Of Your Pronoun | HuffPost

This Pride Month, Think About The Power Of Your Pronoun | HuffPost:

“So the question arises: What is the impact of words?”

Living Out Loud

I’m sitting here and the clock is showing 5:30PM. A little earlier than I planned to start writing this post, though I suppose it is as good a time as any considering…

Several times I have gone into work wearing some or all of my padding… (that is what you do when your not on hormones) and no one seemed to be the wiser. Of course this was before I made a point of saying anything to my coworkers or management. It was also before I was given the other half of my therapy homework which is to make a point to correct someone who uses the wrong pronouns… to which I am also adding using my dead name. I have made excuses for years now allowing people to refer to me with the wrong name, mainly not being “out” at work, or it just being easier not to rock the boat… well, I cannot keep doing this. I have enough to put with outside of work by having all the wrong information stamped all over my life. As nervous as it makes me, it is time to take a stand for myself and demand I be recognized.

So tonight I am going to cross this threshold and the consequences be damned.

Of course going back and reading all of this has my stomach doing flip flops… At the same time I am excited to be taking another step to be free of accommodating people who couldn’t understand if they tried.

(I make no promises, but I might take a photo tonight to commemorate the occasion.)

What You’re Actually Saying When You Ignore Someone’s Gender Pronouns | Let’s Queer Things Up!

I found the article below some time ago but it is only recently when so much of what is spoken of here began to affect me personally. I have tried numerous times to put things into my own words, yet I believe this says it better than I ever could.

What You’re Actually Saying When You Ignore Someone’s Gender Pronouns | Let’s Queer Things Up!:

“When someone states their pronouns (he, she, ze, they, etc), they are asking for your respect. And when you choose not to use these pronouns, and instead opt for your own, you are not only invalidating someone’s identity, but you are also saying a plethora of harmful things that you likely never intended.”

That’s Not My Name

I happened across This post through Freshly Pressed…

It caught my attention because this is something I find myself struggling with… That is, being confronted by my birth name and how I am reacting to it.

At this point in my life I fond myself in a middle ground. I still have my birth name on all of my legal documents as well as my assigned birth sex. The people I am around every day, coworkers and neighbors, all know me by this name and I have been reluctant to ask them to change. This is more out of fear than anything really. I keep telling myself I can put up with it at work because it’s easier than announcing the change in my status and facing all of the questions which are sure to follow. Funny… in typing this it crossed my mind how many times I have been reluctant to move forward, fearing the worse, only to find nothing happens. Odds are it would be the same this time too, but try as I might, I find it easier to tell myself such things than to actually believe them.

On another, more personal front, is dealing with A and her family. I understand why she is fighting this so desperately, yet such knowledge does little to mitigate the pain and distress it cause me. I know there is little I can do in regards to her parents, they are who they are, but I finally broke my silence and asked A to just “let me go.” I know who she so desperately wishes for me to be,

but I cannot be him.

I also cannot continue to pretend to be someone I am not simply for the comfort of someone else no matter how much I love them. It isn’t fair to me and it isn’t fair to them.

In the same way it is becoming more and more difficult to hear a name used which no long applies to me except on paper. Just as the wrong pronouns send stinging pain through my chest…

Of course, I cannot expect anything else unless I am willing to ask to be properly addressed. I mean, people aren’t telepathic so they can only know what I tell them…

Time to pluck up some courage…

For Those Reporting On Transgender People In The News

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Thanks to Chelsea Manning, the subject of how to properly refer to Trans* people when reporting the news is its self news. MediaMatters has an article written by Joe Strupp titled, “News Outlets’ Misgendering Of Private Manning Draws Criticism” which points out the problems news organizations and reporters in general are having when writing about Transgender people.

In many ways having this discussion now is a good thing. As time goes on and more people decide to come out publicly, (as well as the many tragic stories about crimes against Trans* people), there needs to be an effort made towards polite, respectful reporting which is consistent across all forms of journalism, news sites, blogs, and print. By setting standards now it is possible to lay the groundwork for accurate information being passed to the public. It sets a new background from which to go forward and have the conversations which are going to be required for Trans* people to receive equal rights and respect in a bi-gender society which until now has been unable or unwilling to accept the reality of our existence.

It is clear there are going to be those who will seek to be deliberately cruel, who will attack what they do not understand, using any means at their disposal, including language. Yet, just as we have seen with the gay community, time will show such individuals for what they are and their hatred will be viewed with the scorn it deserves.