A Long Day

It’s been a long day which is a good thing.

Started off this morning with a call from Jodi, seems we got our signals crossed and she didn’t realize I didn’t know I was suppose to have a session scheduled for today. Things ended well though, she asked to meet me at Stake & Shake, which if you don’t know is a sit down semi-fast food place. She asked me to come wearing my hair, which I did. We spent about half an hour or so just talking over coffee. The main reason for meeting there was she wanted to see how I felt being in public and you know what? I was completely comfortable. One thing I am learning is not to think too much about things and just be myself. Do this and no one seems to give me a second thought… it’s a very nice feeling. Jodi even commented on the fact I seemed to be at ease which is a good thing. We also talked about my down turn over the past couple of days and she advised I should expect to go through cycles like this, at least for the forseeable future and noted I seem to have worked through it properly, which makes me feel better.

Speaking of which, I am doing better in case you can’t tell. 😉

After our meeting I picked up A and we went out and finished our Christmas shopping for the kids. We also stopped and got lunch and later dinner, all with me as myself. I point this out because it’s important to note A still isn’t 100% comfortable with me presenting female in public but I understand her reasons. For one, she is getting use to seeing me this way outside of the house but more, she is worried for me with how people will react to me. She doesn’t want to see me accosted verbally or embarrassed in any way, and I assured her knowing this means a great deal to me. I know all too well she could have walked away more than once, yet she has remained by my side and it is something I can never repay her for.

During the day, we picked up lunch at Jersey Mike’s where I was able to tell them my name is Kira without a second thought when asked and the person taking my order didn’t bat an eye.

We went to Big Lots (a discount store), Wal-Mart, Aldi’s (discount groceries), Toys-R-Us, and Costco. Everything went better than I could have hoped, not a single hiccup with the exception of Costco when we both forgot to have A use her card, using mine instead as was asked if “He” was with us to which we both replied “kinda, sorta”. To her credit, the cashier didn’t miss a beat nor said another word. 

All and all it was a one of the most relaxing, stress free days I’ve had in as long as I can remember. 

(I know this going to sound strange, but I do feel somewhat guilty for how good I’m feeling right now. It’s mostly due to knowing this is something which bothers A. I don’t like the thought my happiness comes at someone else’s expense. I know this is something I am going to need to work through, it will just take some time.)

14 thoughts on “A Long Day

  1. If it helps you should be able to get your cards re-issued in whatever name you wish with no legal name change, my bank changed mine from mr to miss and my new name six months before my legal name change.

    1. Thank you for the information, as things move further along I will be looking into all of this. As to this post, it was my Costco card which has “His” picture on it which caused the issue. I can get a new one issued as Kira, but I am in the store often enough in male mode at the moment, I’m not sure if I should change it or not. One way is just as confusing as the other.

  2. I am so happy that you nice stress free day being yourself. That is something I have to keep in mind for future reference. That if I feel at ease then people around me feel at ease. Feel nervous, scared or uptight it draws attention to myself because people are curious why I feel that way.

    That is understandable about A and her reason for being uncomfortable. She would be worried about you and how you might be treated. Have some more days like this and she will see that it is nothing to worry about and be at ease 🙂

    1. It’s true, if you don’t doubt yourself then neither will anyone else.The interesting part of this was I didn’t even think about my appearance. I was just myself out shopping and so no one thought to question me. When ever I am out in male mode I am very self conscience and I wonder how people take that. Yesterday, in femme, none that mattered in the least, I was totally comfortable in public and when interacting with others. It’s the first time I was so at ease.
      As for A, I have to remember every step I take is something she has to get adjusted to. Even though it feels normal and natural to me, it isn’t the same for her. I have come a long way over the past two years and while I am the same in many ways, I am also completely different. She has watched me become more of the person I walkways knew I could be and she is happy for me for that, but she also sees and hears and reads about the bad things which can happen both big and small as so she worries for me. It is amazing to think another person can care so much.

  3. Very cool. i am sure you know your guilt comes from being worried about A and her feelings. but that is a good thing shows the love. In time i bet you both will feel the same good way you just did. A will become more comfortable as she sees how happy you are. enjoy the holidays

  4. A is a big girl. She can handle her uncomfortable feelings and other considerations, if you let her. She is doing her best for the present and it will get better for her as you become more relaxed in your own skin and which will benefit both of you, and the kids too.. The tendency for self-imposed guilt is part of the process and you will have good days and bad, but you know that already. The self-deprecation we impose upon ourselves has a purpose, which , according to Wikipedia can be used in humor and tension release. Think Woody Allen and Joan Rivers.

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